Stripping away the fear... a little too literally

I have completely underestimated my unfitness. And I mean completely. Remember how I said this programme “looks as though it couldn’t be more do-able”? I was WRONG. I am so unfit that by the time I've run for a minute, I need the three minutes just to recover. But on the plus side, it hasn’t taken very long to get into running, the walk-run intervals really build up your motivation and determination to get better.

Day 1

Three words: overconfident, unprepared, and disaster. I woke up nice and early and while getting dressed and reading over the programme, I had convinced myself that I would surely be able to run most of the 20 minutes that the first day designated. Oh my poor naive self... I started off with a nice warm up walk out of our complex (not a chance was I running in front of people I had to see on a daily basis), and then once I reached the road I promptly broke into a run. And then my pants promptly fell off. It was cold so I had opted to wear these delightful warm (but alas delightfully baggy) yoga style pants. Not a great idea. I spent that first minute running with my hands holding my pants up, looking like an absolute fool. To add insult to injury, once I had slowed down to a walk again (and I could let go of my pants), I realised that I had only just managed to run for a minute. How embarrassing. The rest of the route went as follows: 30 seconds of bum flashing, 30 seconds of running with my pants hiked up and arms awkward sticking out at my sides, followed by 3 minutes of panting like an asthmatic while trying to work up the courage to do it all over again. The result of day 1? Running fear now triple fold.

Day 2

The yoga pants are out. I was certain that today I was prepared. Ha, Hermes and Nike must have been wetting themselves with laughter at my endless naivety. This time I made three mistakes, THREE. Once again, a very positive warm-up walk, feeling determined. And then I start to run again. Let me paint a picture for you; during my teenage years I developed a habit of cutting the necklines off of my t-shirts to create the off-the-shoulder effect that made them look more “rocker”- I had chosen to wear one of these shirts for my run today. Problem #1: off-the-shoulder shirts will fall off while running. On top of this, I haven’t owned a sports bra since my gym bunny days in matric. Problem #2: your boobs will violently fly out of a normal bra while running. And lastly, I had brought my trusty MP3 player along to keep me going. Problem #3: your bra is not a good storing place for said MP3 player. Had you been driving along Park road, you would have been witness to a flustered girl running (?) away from something while her shirt fell off revealing a bright pink MP3 player flying out of a now visible leopard print bra. Delightful. On a positive note, my pants remained firmly on for this run. But my route now entailed 3 minutes walking, 1 minute running with hands holding everything in place. To say that I got some strange looks would be understatement.

Day 3

Skin tight leggings that can’t fall down, partnered with JT vest, one whole t-shirt, and a home-made arm band for my MP3 player- the result? My most successful run yet! Granted, I can still barely run for more than a minute, but it’s become a lot more enjoyable now that I have streamlined myself. I was incredibly surprised at how quickly it’s become easier and easier to run that minute, and how it almost seems tedious to have to walk for 3 minutes before running again. Now I know it’s early days, and next week will probably see me reverted to the galloping, ungraceful hippo when I have to run for 2 minutes, but I am experiencing something I never have before- pleasure from running. Unbelievable, I know, but it’s true. That burning and aching the next day is a sense of achievement I’m not familiar with, and it does wonders for the imagination (cue visuals of fat melting off your bum to reveal tight, toned derrière below).

I think I’m going to like being a runner... but I'm still pretty useless!